Is it your first time? Mine too.

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No, not really. But I understand and remember all the anxiety and questions that came along with my own first time. And I want to make it easy for you.

Have a seat. Let’s talk about what’s weighing on you.

Everyone has different concerns and different amounts of self-consciousness to overcome. Are you worried about your first time, ever? Your first time with an escort? Perhaps you’ve read one too many escort stories or accidentally waded into a reddit sexworkers group, and now you don’t know what to believe.

What we’ll talk about here is different from the etiquette of hiring an escort, and more nuanced than the general frequently asked questions about escort experiences. But you should digest those ideas too, when you have the time.

Take the time that you need. I believe this is a process that shouldn’t be rushed or jumped into lightly.

There are any number of reasons why someone would employ an escort, and so many of them are miles from the stereotypes we’ve been led to believe are common. Some people are exploring ideas and experiences that may not traditionally jive with heteronormative culture, but want to do so in a manner they control and with the utmost discretion.

Some are working to overcome past experiences of lost consent or lost control, and an escort can be a way to find connection while holding the stop/go powers entirely. People who have achieved some degree of notoriety are often subject to a lifelong scrutiny most of us can never imagine, and may feel trapped by their perceived success. Some are coping with situational issues that may engender sadness or loneliness. Loneliness is a wildly misunderstood and stigmatized emotional response which afflicts nearly everyone at some point in their life.

In my experience, escort first time -rs worry most about these two things:

What if he doesn’t like me?

Meaning, what if I am rejected? Or what if the chemistry isn’t right? Or what if there is something about me that is unacceptable to him?

These are big and powerful ideas. But they are fears that everyone has, both in paid companionship situations and in their everyday lives. Experience is the only way they are overcome. But information helps a lot.

What if I don’t like him?

Meaning, what do I do if a situation just doesn’t work right?

This is another one where experience is the only thing that truly breeds confidence. But it can be helpful to remember that you are in charge and nothing should happen without your consent.

These are deep and primal worries which can ignite equally primal fight or flight responses, just from thinking seriously about them. Acceptance and rejection are key to our evolutionary survival. Our lizard brains aren’t wired for nuanced understanding, and it can be tough to meaningfully overcome deep fears of losing control, being viewed negatively by someone, or potential rejection.

These questions can help allay some practical worries, and you may find they ease some of your concern about the 2 big questions as well:

What should I expect from a meeting?

I so hate to sound vague or cryptic, but the possibilities are truly limitless.

You should expect, though, that I will treat you with respect and with kindness. I will arrive on time and will be presentable according to the situation at hand – no athletic clothes or sneakers for me, unless we’re going running or rock-climbing. I am someone who fits in just as well between Major Gift Donors at the Met as I do between the cushions of the couch in my underwear on a quiet night in at home. I love theatre and opera and studied graphic design and art history at SVA in New York, including a semester abroad at the Sorbonne in Paris.

Perhaps we meet for dinner someplace cozy (I can do fancy, but I love more than anything the chance to get to know you better somewhere quiet and out of the way) and talk about your life and maybe how you came to know about me.

Afterwards, there’s nothing like a walk together through city streets, each of us excited to get back to our place and show off how much we’ve learned about the other over dinner.

When the door closes, it’s just the two of us. Nobody needs to know what else we learn (or how many times the desk has to call to ask we stop jumping on the bed). Maybe we build a little fort with couch cushions too.

What you should “expect” is that I will be as clever and as present as I’ve promised here, and that your worries about rejection or not being X enough for me will be unfounded and summarily dismissed. Believe that I am excited to get to know you. That is what our first date will be about.

What about hygiene and grooming?

An impossibly common concern – and with good reason. But one that is easily put to bed. I strive to always arrive rested and ready for anything, and my grooming and hygiene are no exception.

I suggest getting yourself as clean as possible in a long hot shower, just before we meet up, just to make sure you’re looking and feeling your best. Really get in there and give everything a good scrub. Take some time and read my advice to everyone about our shared cultural weirdness about washing our butts.

I’m not personally fond of strongly scented soaps. Extra rinsing to ensure no bad tasting soapy residue remains really goes a long way.

Beyond that, you should feel very free to ask any hygiene questions you might have, even if they seem embarrassing or silly. If you are especially uncomfortable, please jump onto Telegram or ProtonMail and share a self-deleting message, so neither your ask nor my answer will linger too long.

What if do or say something that turns you off?

It happens. Not often for me – I pride myself on being mature and adaptable. My turn-offs aren’t very many:

• Thoughtlessly neglected personal hygiene
• Rudeness to housekeeping or waitstaff
• Communication failures
• Unbreakable or set-in-stone rules
• Having to wear underwear under a hotel robe

Do I need to send you photos before I request to make a plan?

Never.

But as I discussed in the Screening portion of the escort etiquette page, some self-disclosure goes a long way toward helping us both feel safe and ready to meet.

How you appear is far less of a concern to me than who you are and how you will behave with me. You don’t need to be anyone but yourself in my presence – especially when we are alone. But knowing a bit about who you are in your life helps me to be considerate and thoughtful in any number of different and unexpected ways.

Don’t worry if who you are in life is not who you wish to be with me. But do give me the chance to know you a little bit.

I am Black / short / Asian / trans / bald / fat / female / whatever.
Is that an issue for you?

No.

And you don’t need to warn me about it if you don’t feel safe doing so. I don’t require any kind of disclaimer about who you are and what you believe your limitations are in the eyes of others. If you have ever been told by a provider that you are not worth their time because of your gender or race (or any physical characteristic), you should know that was almost certainly a garbage person unworthy of your interest in the first place.

I find a wide and deep breadth of things and traits to be attractive and have no interest in limiting myself and my enjoyment by ruling out whole swaths of unique individuals.

What if you just plain don’t like me?

Well, what if you don’t like me? It happens. Not often, but occasionally, you or I may realize the chemistry between us simply isn’t present, and I will need to politely excuse myself. In these circumstances my rate is not expected, but a token for my time and energy is always welcome.

If we meet and you are certain I am simply not what you were expecting, it is very important to me that you let me know as soon as possible (so that I don’t end up getting too attached to you). We are all just human, after all. Sometimes it simply isn’t a match.

If it reassures you any, I’ve only ever had this happen once. He was a perfect gentleman about it and – while it stung in the moment – I think of him fondly to this day. Forthrightness is a far greater virtue than putting-up-with-it-ness.

What about money, and do I need to send a deposit?

Money is always sordid seeming, isn’t it? There’s often no good way to talk about it without someone feeling diminished. So I prefer not to do so. My rates are posted and fair, and you all you should worry about is how much time you’re ready to spend together.

I only accept cash – it grants us the power to keep our lives untangled – and payment is expected at the time of service (just like at your doctor’s office). Since I don’t enjoy discussing it, be discreet and slide it into my pocket, perhaps when you kiss me goodbye.

We’ll figure out a total in advance of our meeting so don’t fret that numbers will change from go to whoa. There are no upsells or attempts to slyly add time to what we’ve agreed (unless they are at your explicit request).

I do not require a deposit on our engagement if we are to be in the same city at the same time. If I am traveling to you or we are travelling to an adventure together, a deposit is required and we will make those arrangements privately. I prefer to make all my own travel bookings and a portion of the total up front allows me to do that with minimal risk..

Read the full list of frequently asked questions here.

Home

How to make plans

Not sure where to begin, but know you’re ready for more?

Before getting hopes high, be sure to read about me, and my upcoming schedule. That way you’ll have a better idea of how we might get along, and whether I’ll be nearby on the dates you had in mind.

Total Time Needed :

Minutes

Required Tools:

– A Computer.

– Fingers to work the keys.

– A little thoughtfulness.

Step One: Determine (or ask) whether we’ll be in the same place at the same time, or whether I’ll need to travel to meet you.

If we’ll both be in the same city when you’d like to meet, choosing an option from these packages is appropriate.

If I’ll have to travel to meet you, you can find cost-inclusive rates here, as well as some travel inspiration and dreams for the pair of us.

Travel Plans

Step Two: Determine how much time we’ll have together.

Our meeting is completely in your hands; an evening? A whole night together? Something even more exciting?

Being sure of your wants before you connect makes it simple for each of us to know what’s in store.

Rate Packages

Step Three: Choose a date on the calendar.

Better yet, choose one and a backup. I work hard to accommodate where I can, but each of my commitments is precious to me (as yours will be once we’ve firmed it up).

“How about right now?” probably won’t get us very far.
“How about next Friday?” feels much more likely.
“How about the first or second weekend of next month?” makes me sure I can trust someone with such excellent planning skills and organization.

Calendar

Step Four: Make contact and clearly let me know what you’re thinking.

The contact page has concise instruction for how to email or message securely. Please introduce yourself and let me know what you’ve got in mind. If you’ve never contacted a professional companion before, please don’t forget these things in your email:

Your name. Without it I won’t know what to call you!
The type of plans you’d like to make. Where? And how long will I have to enjoy you?
The possible date(s) you’d like to reserve. More options means higher chances of success.
Screening and safety information. Examples are here, and help us both to feel more secure in meeting a new friend for the first time.
What I should know about you. I’m going to ask anyway—offering simply makes me feel sure you’re open.

Feel free to ask me any questions you might have, or the best way to ask especially delicate questions before we meet.

Contact Me

Step Five: Be patient with me.

I live a surprisingly busy life, and while I take my work seriously, I am sometimes pulled in lots of directions at once. If I must make you wait from time to time, know I never do so intentionally.

If you suspect something has gone amiss, try a second mode of communication.

Be Patient

Bonus: Subscribe to my private email list, or check out my blog.

I maintain a private email list for friends, with whom I share travel plans, images, and personal updates before they are posted anywhere else. It is free to join, and you may unsubscribe or change your preferences at any time anonymously.

My blog gets love when I have time to devote to it. I love writing longform examinations of sex, pornography, masturbation, and other topics and ideas which don’t get enough thoughtful consideration. But it takes time! Lucky for you there’s already a wealth of ideas, photos, comics, art, and essays there for you to inspect.

Join me