Etiquette is more than just manners, isn’t it?
Entering into unfamiliar territory with someone new can be a really stress and anxiety inducing thing.
Picture a time you’ve felt completely out of your element, or were alone in a completely new space; a space whose rules you didn’t innately know. Rather than working to feel your way along in the dark, hoping you don’t make a mistake, let me help you feel completely at ease with all of our exchanges.
Etiquette means different things to different people, but here you can think of it as the guidelines or rules of engagement. Following these tips will keep our energies focused on the business at hand, rather than worried about slights or missteps on either of our parts.
- Some minor but important first details
- Good behavior—yours and mine
- Discretion is a street that runs in both directions
- Thoughts on rates and payment
- Screening and safety
- Ways for us to meet when I’m not nearby
- How and when to contact me, and when I will contact you
- How to make plans
- How to cancel plans
- Should you want to write a review
1. Some minor but important first details
I am always welcoming of correspondence and I think that’s a fantastic way to get to know someone better before and after we meet. But please be aware that I do no discuss or make promises about what may or may not happen during our time together. My blog and social media is a great indicator of things I really enjoy, and a great conversation starter, if you find some overlap in our respective joys.
Please know and believe: anything introduced or phrased along the lines of “how much will it cost me for X?” will result in the permanent conclusion of our communications.
2. Good behavior—yours and mine
I will always do everything in my power to treat you and our time together with the utmost discretion and cordiality, and I simply expect the same from you. My phone will be silent and put away, and my attention will be yours completely.
The best advice I can truly give is for you to think of this like any date. Wow me with your kindness and charm. I will have mine in tow as well, and we’ll have so much more fun getting to know each other in a stress-free environment.
3. Discretion is a street that runs in both directions
Lots of folks use the word “discreet” sort of frivolously. Please understand that I do not. I am a big believer in privacy, and part of maintaining that privacy (for each of us) is behaving in thoughtful and discreet ways. My visits to private residences or hotels are greeted with unassuming looks from staff and neighbors and my behavior and presentation in common areas is always beyond reproach.
Although I have an internet presence, you’ll note that I do not ever discuss the details of what goes on in my engagements, or give anything close to factual details of who I see and what they do.
My expectation is that you will afford me the same discretion. Please do not speak about me in reviews or feel compelled to publicly acknowledge we know each other at all. My reputation isn’t built on compliments, it is built on my ability to keep my secrets secret.
4. Thoughts on rates and payment
I do not enjoy discussing money, and my experience has taught me it is optimal for everyone if there is no negotiation in my rates. They are as posted here and while I will always be glad to answer any practical questions, I am—respectfully—not interested in debating them.
I can confidently promise you that once we meet, cost will be the last thing you have room to think about.
As with any professional service, questions may arise about logistics of payment, or which package or arrangement is most suitable for us. These types of questions are welcomed and will be met with thoughtful answers.
In person we will not discuss finances, so I urge you to plan accordingly: a white envelope tucked into a card, gift bag, or a favorite book you’d like to share—which gives us something exciting to discuss on our next adventure—is ideal for keeping things practical. But don’t go to too much trouble. If you’re feeling bold, simply slip it into my back pocket while I’m distracted.
I’ve never been fond of the coarseness of the “money’s on the dresser” way of handling things. Nor do I ever wish to watch someone count money or “settle up” in front of me.
Lastly: cash is king, but other arrangements are available for sums that prove unwieldy. Credit and debit cards violate the privacy of discretion, leave a permanent paper trail, and are not a possibility for payment.
5. Escort Etiquette: Screening and safety
If we’ve never met before, and you wish to provide a little bit of information about who you are or your experience level (for the sake of my comfort), I will always receive that warmly. I promise anything shared between us will go no further, even if we are ultimately unable to connect. I do not store records, emails, or contact information for anyone, regardless of whether we eventually meet.
Some quick and easy ways to help us both feel at ease:
- Share your Instagram or Twitter handle with me. I will never comment, follow, or like anything without your consent, and do not require that you follow me.
- Share your LinkedIn profile with me. LinkedIn is already publicly available, so there is no harm in showing to me what anyone could find on there any day of the week. I am never looking for the status or job type, so do not let fear hold you back. No one with my name or identifying features will ever appear in your views there or attempt to contact or connect with you.
But there is a comfort to be had in the knowledge that someone is real and has a backstory—even if that isn’t the person you want to be with me. Again, no records are kept, and no connection to my online life will be made to yours, even by accident.
- Tell me about your situation. It isn’t ever my place to cast judgement over someone for their choices, or demand explanation for complicated decisions. But I like being able to know, and having the information in advance means I may temper my questions or more politely avoid delicate matters.
- Photos. They’re wonderful but the least important part for me. A gestalt understanding of who someone is trumps one handsome pic on a single sunny day, you know?
6. Ways for us to meet when I’m not nearby
I am a fantastic and drama-free international travel companion, and am available to travel to you with a little planning. These arrangements are less complicated and less costly than you might imagine, and I’ve special rates that include travel costs—you won’t be required to do anything but anticipate my arrival. Find out more about travel ideas (for us together) and Fly Me To You rates here.
7. How and when to contact me, and when I will contact you
As covered on the contact section of this site, discretion and privacy is again our top level concern. I will not initiate our contact, and this should not be a source of disappointment or perceived as any type of rejection. The reality is that I cannot know who else may be holding your phone or reading your screen over your shoulder. An ill-timed message or unexpected outreach could cause any number of problems, and it is my practice never to speak first.
I will strive always to reply in a timely manner, but life does get in the way sometimes. I hope you will be forgiving.
If we have made plans in the future and are not maintaining a running dialogue already, please feel very free to check in and confirm our plans as much or as little as you like.
I am entrusting you with setting our correspondence, so please do not be dismayed if I do not reach out to you after we have met. I am truly only waiting to hear from you first.
8. How to make plans
I can be tricky to schedule sometimes. My life is rather flexible but I do often have other commitments. That said, I will make every effort to accommodate you. As much notice as possible makes that far more likely. Have preferred dates and times in mind when you reach out to me, so I may let you know right away that I can make it happen.
You can get a sense of where I will be and when my days might be open from my calendar. Signing up for my private email list is a great way to be alerted to upcoming travel and visits to your city.
When you’re ready to put a plan in motion, check out my how-to guide for first timers, or contact me via encrypted messenger or email.
9. How to cancel plans
Sometimes real life gets in the way of fun. I fully understand that. If you ever need to cancel or postpone our engagement, I ask that you give me as much notice as you possibly can, so that I may adjust my life accordingly. As I do not work in volume, my situation changes dramatically when my calendar suddenly opens.
Amazon.de digital gift cards are a quick and easy way to say “I’m sorry,” for unexpected rain delays.
10. Should you want to write a review
Reviews violate the discretion we are striving to provide one another and create a (possibly) permanent online fingerprint of our time together. While that fingerprint is decidedly only yours, it is indelible in the Internet Archive and in Google’s cache. I would prefer our private engagements not to live forever, and I do not rely on reviews to make new friends. That’s just good escort etiquette
If you simply cannot hold your good vibes inside, I would be glad for a testimonial about our time together, or how you believe others ought to view what I offer now that you know well. But there is never any expectation on my part and you will never be solicited for such a thing directly or indirectly later. All the praise I’ve acquired has come by virtue of unexpected kind words and letters.