The comfortable magic of the boyfriend experience.
How to talk about something so amorphous and so badly defined elsewhere? Like any terms in this industry, the meaning or definition of the “boyfriend experience,” is rather fluid. It tends to depend on who’s using it and what they’re trying to convey.
Boyfriend experience providers tend to talk about it in terms of what they are willing to “do” and with whom. And it’s fuel both for wembly misery marathon articles like this one from MEL magazine (it’s often worth pointing out that MEL began life as the click-bait marketing tactic of Dollar Shave Club), as well as overly flowery male escort stories like this.
The truth about boyfriend experiences, like much else in life, lies somewhere in the middle. And is guided so much by the two people involved.
My nature is already conducive to boyfriend-like behavior in many circumstances, and my experience has given me lots to consider when it comes to caring for others. In defining the boyfriend experience, I would say there maybe isn’t a good 1-line explanation for what someone is “entitled to” or what they should expect.
But have a seat and let’s parse it out together.
Where do you come from?
To me, fast rapport building and demonstrations of trust and confidentiality lead to a kind of immediate intimacy in my connections. I love having long talks about someone’s growing up experiences, or what they think their current relationships provide for them. And because it’s me, conversation inevitably drifts through topics like the first time someone jacked off or came, pornography that made a long or lasting impression, and how someone sees themselves sexually.
Discussing sexual fantasies in an environment free from judgement or potential rejection is luxurious. Opportunities to chip away at or deconstruct roles – even just for an evening – is sometimes quite liberating.
I try my best to avoid subjects like religion and politics, because they can be unnecessarily divisive and personal in a unique way. I’ve been accused of using that guideline to hide my own subversive or offensive religious or political leanings, but the truth is that I only want others to feel safe and respected while we’re together. Even if our broader ideologies differ.
How is your day going?
I’m easy to talk to and interested in what others have to say. It’s only natural that our communication would fast begin to resemble how someone would engage with a boyfriend. But I’ve been talking about myself too much already. Your turn.
What would you like to tell me?
What are you worried about?
The familiarity we will share is a chance to unpack some of what is weighing on you and to leave it behind in the morning. Lots of us have insecurities about our bodies and we’re conditioned to believe that we are inherently wrong or bad or broken in any number of ways over the course of our lives. Walking around with negative ideas about how we look or whether we are desirable is exhausting.
Join me in putting that to the side for an evening?
Connection and intimacy, and the idea that you are safe and that you are acceptable—these are things that we prize and value in ourselves and in others. But they are things that often come only with practice and through lived experience. That might seem counterintuitive to what you have been told, but it is true. Learning to forge connection and learning to see yourself as acceptable (desirable!), they are just that: things that must be learned.
The boyfriend experience is a framework we can use to allow you to be yourself in the presence of someone trusted to care for you and reflect what you deserve to see.