The Boyfriend Experience is something that not all providers are going to pull off well. It is often a euphemism for ‘and also I’ll talk to you like a person for a little while, in addition.’ What it means to me is that I strive to facilitate is a safe, focused environment where I can really get to know something about the person I’m with.
I love having long talks about what their growing up experiences were like, or what they think their current relationships provide for them (or, in some cases, what they think their relationships are lacking). And because it’s me, we inevitably drift through topics like the first time they remember jacking off or what their pornography of choice is and why. Just because that stuff fascinates me. We talk about films they’ve loved, or books I should read ( get the bulk of my reading list meat from these talks), and it feels natural because it is natural. I’m not here to act like a boyfriend; I genuinely want to know who you are.
I try my best to avoid topics like religion and politics, because they can be divisive and deeply personal in a way that even sexual experiences aren’t always. Everyone I talk with about that rule thinks it’s because I must have some especially offensive religious/political leanings that I’m trying to keep secret, but the truth is that I keep that rule so that others feel safe and respected, even if our ideologies differ.
I’m easy to talk to, and interested in what these men have to say, so it’s only natural that our communion would fast begin to resemble how someone would engage with a boyfriend. For my money, the Boyfriend Experience is about really letting yourself be present and real and open with someone, the way one might with a therapist, but without the expectation of answers or a diagnosis (or all of the “Tyler, please put your pants back on. This is an office,” that my actual therapist is constantly spouting). I probably can’t fix your problems. But I’m very good at listening and I want to know how you are.
Beyond that, our time is ours to maximize any way we see fit. There’s no prescription for what you “get” in an encounter like this, and that’s a narrow way to view such a thing. I love being with people when they enjoy stuff, so great meals, great shows, and great museums are always on the docket. It’s so fun to watch somebody really get into whatever their thing is – food, theatre, music, sex, whatever. There isn’t much that someone is going to propose that I’ll say a flat “no” to, and certainly not things like the ballet or the opera, which my friends never want to attend with any regularity.
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